With highlights yet again!
ATLANTA FALCONS (6-4) -1.5 Carolina Panthers (8-2)
You know, the NFC South is a pretty sexy division. This game is intriguing, not just because of the playoff implications. Just go with me here for a second. The Falcons are like that girl in high school/college/work/church that everyone sort of wrote off and ended up looking good after a summer of eating right, sunbathing (with sunscreen for the anti-cancerous tan), and culturing up a bit. Yeah, we unassuming males are a little turned on by these developments. But are we really going to give up on the known commodity, Carolina, who still looks great, still does that thing with her tongue and still watches sports? These Falcons still have a few things to figure out about love.
CLEVELAND BROWNS (4-6) -3.5 Houston Texans (3-7)
Just think; combining these two expansion (Sorry, Cleveland) franchises would result in one viable team.
DALLAS COWBOYS (6-4) -10.5 San Francisco 49ers (3-7)
Schwartz nearly choked while saying “How ‘bout them Cowboys?”
Give me Frank Gore, Mike Martz, Shaun “Real backups don’t wear helmets” Hill and the points.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-3) -8.5 DETROIT LIONS (0-10)
Has the plight of a sports team ever embodied the plight of the people in its region so closely? The Lions need an Obama-esque GM for change they can believe in. GM and Ford could use Obama-esque GMs, too.
TENNESSEE TITANS (10-0) -5.5 New York Jets (7-3)
Brett Favre has 12 INTs and 8 fumbles on the season. The Tennessee defense has 15 INT and 5 fumble recoveries on the season. Favre vs. that defense isn’t the real matchup, though. The Tennessee running game against the Jets front seven will be where the game is won or lost. Also, obligatory mention of Tennessee not being good enough to go undefeated this year, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Buffalo Bills (5-5) -3.5 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1-9)
Chiefs: NFL :: Crazy, Alcoholic, Unemployed Step-Uncle: Your family’s Thanksgiving meal
Bills: NFL :: Sober, Rather Be Fishin’, Teacher Uncle: Your family’s Thanksgiving meal
Chicago Bears (5-5) -7.5 ST. LOUIS RAMS (2-8)
The Bears might make the playoffs this season thanks to an incredibly easy schedule. Having watched all of their games, this doesn’t make sense to me. Statistically they may look like a playoff team, but their numbers are propped up by some lopsided games early in the season. I will give the Bears this: you know exactly what you are getting from them every single game.
MIAMI DOLPHINS (6-4) -1.5 New England Patriots (6-4)
It’s pretty shocking that these teams have the same record. Last time these teams met, the Dolphins invoked the Wildcat offense to get around the fact that Bill Belichick owns Chad Pennington. What’ll that crazy Miami staff come up with this time? Excuses postgame?
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (4-6) -2.5 Minnesota Vikings (5-5)
Adrian Peterson >*
BALTIMORE RAVENS (6-4) -1.5 Philadelphia Eagles (5-4)
Let’s break the Eagles down SAT style:
LaDanian Tomlinson (985 YFS, 6 TD, 36 Rec.) : Brian Westbrook (726 YFS, 8 TD, 32 Rec.)
Phil Rivers (2518 YDS, 21 TD, 10 INT) : Donovan McNabb (2711 YDS, 14 TD, 8 INT)
San Diego : AFC Playoffs:: Philadelphia : NFC Playoffs
Philadelphia will henceforth be known as “San Diego Chargers: East Coast Edition.” Anyway, SDC:ECE at least has a viable defense. Against the Ravens their lack of a running game (of late) probably won’t matter at all. SDC:ECE needs this game to stay playoff relevant.
DENVER BRONCOS (6-4) -9.5 Oakland Raiders (2-8)
The line seems high a little big until you realize that Oakland’s point total last week (15) nearly matched their point total for the three games prior (19). Also, Mike Shanahan hates the Raiders/Al Davis – expect another 20+ point shellacking.
New York Giants (9-1) -3.5 ARIZONA CARDINALS (7-3)
Giant homerism continues. Game of the week, with easy.
Also, continuing this theme: Edge James: Shawn Marion::Cardinals: Suns. I mean, would he rather be “the guy” on a team like the Lions and get his 900 to 1100 yards or be a potential backup on the Cardinals and have a chance at a ring?
Washington Redskins (6-4) -3.5 SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (2-8)
Second consecutive -3.5 line for a team facing the Seahawks that is vastly better than the Seahawks in every phase of the game.
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (4-6) -2.5 Indianapolis Colts (6-4)
Who was expecting the combined record of these teams to be .500 at the beginning of the season? If your hand is raised right now you are a filthy liar. Wait, are you saying being a filthy liar is everything it’s cracked up to be? Whoa, hold on. You get an hour recess each day AND full health benefits at the filthy liar factory? Where do I sign up? Oh, right next to that giant, flesh-eating zombie dog? I’m there!
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (5-5) -2.5 Green Bay Packers (5-5)
Aaron Rodgers has the same number of combined (pass + rush) TDs as Favre, more combined yards, and 6 INTs vs. 12 for Favre. The Packers really gave up so much by letting Brett go in the offseason! Never mind that the defense is the reason why the Packers are 5-5 instead of 7-3 or better. Nope. Record is only determined by QB (when the QB is named Favre and isn’t responsible for any of the Jets wins).
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